It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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