The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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