just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
