me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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