I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I think people are normalizing furries
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
