i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
