So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
