then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
