Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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