based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
