I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
