so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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