so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
