she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
