My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
