$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
