Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
