then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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