It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
