Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
