she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
