I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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