tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
