i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
