do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
