I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
