I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
