weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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