A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
