I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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