I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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