There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
