I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
