I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
