I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
