I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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