Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
