Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
