I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
