how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
