He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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