drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
