so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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