i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Also, beer. Big fan.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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