Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
