I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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