Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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