they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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