i need an iv and a liver transplant
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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