franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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