your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
