wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
