I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
