god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
