I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
